Idiots Guide to Interviews


Do not. I repeat. DO NOT BUY A COFFEE BEFORE AN INTERVIEW (#1).
This post has been brought on my "rookie error of the year" move, whereby I decided it would be a fabulous idea to purchase a coffee before my interview.

Let me just explain what happened: 
So basically, I get there and walk past a coffee stand and think - hey its cold, maybe I should buy a coffee - bad idea.

I get to my interview, coffee still in hand (which also looks super rude) and I basically realise how stupid I am. Between my handbag and my coffee, I didn't have a free hand to shake with. ALWAYS HAVE A FREE HAND TO SHAKE WITH (#2). Awkwardly realising how much of an ass I am, I quickly tried to juggle my shit around and made a bigger ass of myself and shook hands like a little piss weak girl.

Rule #3 - learn how to shake a person's hand like you are the toughest chicka out and nobody is better than you. I could tell they were already judging me by my mistake so basically it was all or nothing and the only thing to do was make myself sound fabulous (#4). It ended with me - still awkwardly holding my cup and bag - with my head held high and my dignity still partially intact (#5).

Always, always, leave confidently and basically act like you are walking out of the room with the hottest Louboutins on and you look like Miranda Kerr (#6) (even if your a dude, act like you have a fabulous pair of heels on and you look like Chuck Bass).

"Well that was horrible, lets never try and work ever again." 

Other things to consider:

  • NEVER BE LATE
  • Be sure to dress spectacularly 
  • Smell gloriously wonderful - so much so that they ask what perfume you are wearing 
  • ^ if that happens, chuck in some humour about how its eau de natural  
  • If you sound funny - they'll be all like "hey she's funny - she'd be rad to work with"
  • And yes, deep down they will be saying rad like its 1999 and they're still wearing rainbow bomber jackets, thinking they'll ride a hover board one day. 
  • Smile. With teeth
  • Good posture = I am considerate to my 80 year old self who deserves a life free from back pain 
  • Be respectful - don't swear, maintain eye contact and be sincere. 

Me today ^


There are thousands of other things that I could say about this, but these are the basics to my idiots guide to an interview. 

Beck






Things I should be doing right now


  • Paying attention in my Economics Lecture
  • Doing my Organisational Behaviour
  • Sleeping
  • Doing Economics... 
  • My teacher has an obsession with Kim Kardashian
    • Total of Kardashian related slides to date = 26 photos and 3 graphs
    • 3 of these photos include Kim licking an ice cream 
      • Like I don't know if he's trying to be suggestive, but srs
      • He's funny
        • At least he's trying to get us to pay attention 

Me in exams ^ 

Someone save me. 

Beck